What am I to say now?
There's so much that I want to say, but I can't. I failed my own expectations in school, my music teacher hates me, and so on, and so forth. There are so many things happening in such tumultus times, and for me, this is a bit much. I can almost feel myself subcumbing to depression, and its hard to try to not cry, or to break down. I wonder if there really is a God... Is He just ignoring me? Or trying to make me stronger? Being an aethist is harder than most people think, especially when there are times that you want to pray to a being and just blame everything on him. I wonder if I should go to a priest and have my first confession... That would be very nice, or so I think. There are so many people discovering new things, that I feel left behind. Should I die?
Leaving all of that behind, my life for now sucks. I have learned that I am expendable, so I'll try to keep other people happy instead of myself. What else can a useless person do, after all?
I feel really alone. Its like there's no one around me or anything, nothing to reach for, no future to look forward to. I'm a mediocre person-so mediocre that all stereotypes perfectly display me, and I'm surrounded by people who have shining lights-almost like a black hole in the universe, there but unable to be seen by anything else because every other star is outshining it. I wonder if I should let everything go right now... It's all pointless, anyway, if there is no future for me. Since there is none.