I haven't updated in a long time... So long time no see~
I guess I'm trying to be happier, but it seems like every time I try it never works.. After all, there are always people here and there that don't want others to obtain the happiness that they don't and never will obtain.
I really, truly, didn't want to believe my childhood friend, now acquaintence, was like those people. I wanted to blind myself to the fact that he turned now into a cruel hypocrite. I wanted to believe that my last tie to my past was not the man he was now.
I really thought that he might be good.
Somehow, even though my friends where getting hurt here and there, I thought that he might still be somewhat nice. That he wasn't a hypocrite. That he would have compasion enough to apologize at least 4 years later. After all, how could someone that advocates "peace" and "love" be a hypocrite? How could he hurt someone? That wasn't the same person I knew so many years ago.
But people change.
I don't think anyone really realized that this person meant a lot to me, and that the fact that he alone didn't change meant that the others didn't change either. But they did. They all did. The changes are there, and they're irreversible now. The past is the past, and it will never change. I didn't want to believe, but like a child turning into an adult, I am forced to believe. There are so many things happening that the sole hope that this person out of many would remain pure and kind, like the past, instead of corrupted like so many others became a source of consolation for me. I wish.. That just once, he could be like the past. But he can't. He never will be, and with me believing that, my childhood has officially ended. I am an adult now. I am corrupted now. I am jaded. I can't go back to being a child or a baby anymore and try to block the truth out as it knocks on my door.
How could he? How could he be so cruel? To be so mean as to hurt someone and never apologize to them, even though that person is kind to everyone, why?
I'll hunt him...
